King'z Jewel

What happened to the fun in church? Where is the joy of Your salvation?

I remember being in churches where you can’t even clear your throat without being looked at with a raised eyebrow. I have also been to churches where the message is milk, but the people feel free to dance before the altar in unadulterated worship.

What do I miss from both extremes? The reverence for the living God and the joy of being in His presence.

Where is the balance? Where is the middle ground?

David danced out of his outer garments in worship to the Lord (2 Samuel 6:14), but yet he reverenced him like no other. Why are our churches not reflections of that?

We need to get rid of the status quo. We need to get rid of church as usual. We need to go back to the root and heart of why we ever wanted to be in church to begin with. We need to teach our children about the joy of salvation. How will they know if all they see are stern faces, disapproving looks, and are given no opportunity to enjoy being in the house of God? How are we going to secure the next generation if we don’t allow them to express their worship, making a JOYFUL noise unto the Lord?

We sing about dancing as David did, singing and worshiping and praying like he did. We sing about being free to run and dance. We sing about where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. We sing about dancing in His freedom and liberty (2 Corinthians 3:17)…but do we really EVER do that? Sure, there are probably break out moments here and there…but why isn’t it a regular occurrence?

Don’t even get me started on the songs about surrender and sacrifice! The verses of the Bible where we talk about taking up our cross no matter the cost… you can already see where I am going with that.

I don’t want to just be on the pulpit singing words. I don’t want to be up there with stern faces and disapproving looks falling down on the congregation as they try to wrestle from under the tradition and religion that has been forced upon them from years of being abused in various forms of churches and religious sects who don’t believe in truly going all out for God in church.

I believe that God hears us singing these songs and professing these verses from the Bible out of our mouths and expects to see something happen, only to be disappointed. We are in essence HYPOCRITES every time we pronounce these things and then don’t follow through with them. I can just see God’s eyes light up when he hears the songs coming through or the words being read…He gets expectant…on the edge of His seat even… only to slump back in His chair, wiping his brow and thinking “they missed it AGAIN!”.

I am saying that we need to reevaluate our churches. Reevaluate the calling that God has placed on our lives. We need to stop pleasing people and start pleasing God. It’s time to break out, break free, and move forward with truth the way God intended!

Psalm 51:10-13 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

(emphasis is mine)

There has been a battle raging for the souls of this area, more intense than before. I have been in travail for at least a week or more. I just keep hearing more news or experiencing more drama… and it’s wigging out my spirit! I have been praying and crying so much the last week or so.

It’s a sign of the times, though. As we approach the end of the age, the pull for souls is becoming more real and prevalent than ever before.

I am listening to the book “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan as prescribed to me by my good friend Susan Adwalpalker…and it hit me:

I am LUKEWARM!

I am sure many will say “How is that possible? She gave up everything to follow Jesus!”

But did I really give up everything?

The answer:
NO.

I didn’t give up all my ambitions. I didn’t give up control of my body.

I have allowed God to do all He wants to do in and through me, not always without a fight, and just short of ALL of me. He had 99% of me, but that one stubborn percent I held onto all these years. I have been rededicated and “souled out” for Christ for over ten years.

I have held on to a few things that God just could.not.touch. Why?

FEAR.

I could trust Him with my child, my family, the direction of our lives as far as where to move, live, and serve. I could prophecy, exhort, and preach. I could write songs and sing in the worship team. I could lead people to the throne room and let them fall at His feet….

BUT I couldn’t allow Him control over my ambitions. I still looked back with hurt, contempt, and longing at the things that I had desired to do with my life. I desired to be on screen, on camera, and a star. I desired to be dancing and singing my way across Broadway. That was not what God called me to be! Why couldn’t I just be happy with the fact that He called me to preach and teach and prophecy to the nations? Why couldn’t I be happy with all the things He has called me to do and become?

I would retell the stories of how I was on a mission to become this and that. I regale the times when I was so great in this play or singing that song, only to feel remorse and sorrow. Every time I would turn on the television to watch the old movie channel, I would cry like a baby watching these people live out my dreams. I would cry watching singing competitions. I would bawl my eyes out feeling the energy surge through my legs as I watched the various dance competitions…feeling like I missed out. I actually MOURNED my dreams as if they were buried in a casket never to be resurrected again!

I realized, too, that I had not let go of my … fertility … yes I said it. My body was my body, and after that whole situation of near-death with my son, I was only half willing to go through it again. Okay, so even less than half willing. I have been pregnant 5 (or 6) times, and only ONE ended in a viable child. You can’t tell me that a huge part of that problem had to do with my FEAR and not really allowing God to handle EVERYTHING in my life. I didn’t trust that He would truly know me, understand me, and respect my limitations.

I was becoming convicted over these points over the last few weeks as I believed I was pregnant. I had every symptom and then they abruptly stopped. I went through this whole melodrama with God about it all and came to the conclusion that I was the problem. I was out of order. A smidgen of disobedience is total disobedience to God, just as a small little sin is just as bad as a blatantly obvious sin.

The icing on the conviction cake was when I heard pastor’s preaching this Sunday about God’s will. During the sermon, while reading the scriptures he was pointing out, I found a new meaning to:

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (NIV)

PERFECT LOVE. How imperfect my love for God! I have lived with this repressed fear for the entire length of time between having my son and now (8 1/2 years). I have been living with this fear of dying in childbirth. I have lived with this fear of letting God plan my future FULLY and completely…as if He doesn’t know what He is doing. He created me! Who better to do these things in my life than He?

The cherry on top was listening to the lukewarm part of the Chan book.

I am lukewarm.

How am I going to change it?

BY GIVING MYSELF AWAY for real this time. I did once, until fear gripped me after my son was born. I was all for God before the pregnancy and the multiple miscarriage. I was all for anything He wanted. Now I have to recapture that again, going back to the “joy of my salvation”.

Psalm 51:12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. (NLT)

Stop stepping on pears and dig the tree up by the root.

Stop spraying deodorizer on your issues.

(Joyce Meyer)

I’m gonna share with you what devils look like with skin wrapped over them.

(Pas Rod Parsley)

My husband and I are now officially enrolled in NYDSOM (New York District School Of Ministry). We have a test every 3 weeks on whatever material we have studied! First test is in a month and a half, though, so I have time to memorize the study guide before we go to class. First class: Prison Epistles. I finished the study guide, but now I have to start the real studying part. Pray for us <3 It’s been a long time since we were in an actual school program… like eleven years!

I just updated my facbook:

Waiting on God while watching the snow fall all around. The truck is covered again after the rains washed all the grime and ice away the other day.

Then it hit me.

God tells us to go into the world and preach the gospel, to make disciples, and not stay stagnant. He says we must grown enough that we are no longer on milk but eating the meat of the Word. We are to learn and continually grown in faith. We are to continue to pray and worship God and go to new levels in Him on a regular basis. He also says we should not stay in our same sins, but put off the old putting on the new and becoming changed forever…never to go back to that same thing *or worse* that we were delivered from when we knew Christ for our personal savior.

Our truck has been sitting in the same spot since the rains. Even though it may have actually gone around the corner once or twice, it ended up back in the very same spot. Before the rain, it was covered in grime, dirt, dust, and salt…so much that was bogging it down and making it look completely unlike itself. When we give our lives to Jesus Christ, we look pretty much the same. Then the flood of God’s spirit washes us whiter than snow, takes away all the dirt of the world and makes us into a new creature in Christ.

If we are not committed to the change that Christ has begun in our lives, we will end up being covered in the same things we were once dealing with, or worse. We have to continue to move and grow. We have to continue to follow the mandate to go into the world and speak the Word of God. We have to continue to pray, to seek God’s face, to learn of Him.

He said that as long as we take His yoke upon us and leave our own behind, that His burden is light and His yoke easy. Why continue to be bogged down? Sure you can go here, or go there and possibly make a difference, but when you continue to return back to the same old place you have always been, you will be covered up in the dust of stagnancy. You sit still long enough, you may just disappear!

Make a decision today to change. Make a decision to shake off the dust and grime that has been covering you in the place that seems comfortable. Serving the Lord is not always comfortable. Serving the Lord is not always easy… but best believe the rewards are totally worth it.

My son was filled with the Holy Spirit on Sunday! Joyful day. Now he is really excited to get himself water baptized.

God is doing His best to let me know that I should no longer doubt my abilities. He is telling me that ANYTHING I put my hand to will be blessed because I am His and I am blessed. I was reading Deuteronomy 28 about being blessed going in, coming out, doing this, doing that…pretty much covering everything a person could ever do. I was struck by the fact that I know in my heart that I am extremely talented, but when I go and try to talk about that, or apply for a job, I totally doubt that I can do what I am seeking to do.

I got that verse while on retreat this passed weekend, and today Joyce Meyer was preaching it!

Psalm 100:4 let the redeemed of the Lord say so!

Okay so God didn’t give us the spirit of fear, but of power, right? AND He said do not be anxious, right?

So I have to admit and confess that I am feeling a little anxious about the prospect of this year. I know that soon I am going to be stretched beyond measure with having to go back to school. BIBLE school! Not the little lovely free classes that I have been taking from 2008 that I could have been paying to get certifications in…but chose not to simply for the fact that there is no pressure and no out of pocket expense.

What’s coming is different. I HAVE to pass the classes. I HAVE to stay on point and continue the education on a regular schedule. It is a gift being given to me and I have to honor it to the most excellent point of beyond my own ability and shifting into God’s miraculous power to make my brain retain and recall information! AUGH!!!!

Between that and having to actively begin to really PREACH is going to be like… wowowowowowow for me. Once in a while or during a concert is one thing, but going through the process and delivery more than I used to ….. I just have to keep on relying on Jesus for the strength, power, and boldness to do this outside of my normal range of comfort!

I am currently running slowly through the book Power Thoughts: 12 Strategies to Win the Battle of the Mind. It was the gift from the women’s banquet for our church. It is ripping me a new mind, for sure. I have to face myself, take a good hard look in the mirror, and begin to change. Once you know something, you are obligated to do something about it…at least that’s what the Bible says *as far as biblical things go*. I am keeping a journal along with the book to record answers to questions and any thoughts that might pop up. I read Battlefield of the Mind when I first gave my heart back to God sometime in 2001, which helped immensely. This is like a follow up and a refresher!